WNY Tantra

Forward

March 11, 2024

This is an interesting foray into the unknown. I don’t know if those are proper English words and grammar, but that was what was guided to type. I don’t know what the title “Fact, Fiction or Fantasy” is supposed to represent specifically, but that was the title that was guided. I awoke a few mornings ago, with that title and the vision to communicate this story.

It is not my profession nor educational background to write prose or poetry. Although I did take a technical writing class in college. So it is a bit unnerving to breach this assignment. I will try to correct spelling and grammar as guided, but it feels that this text is to be as communicated. It feels that I should not be concerned with the grammar and spelling, as some things are to be as typed.

The “vision” is to communicate a story. The exact reason is unclear. Part feels erotic literature, part feels outreach, part feels symbolic connection, part feels therapy, part feels undisclosed at this time. I pondered with my mind, which is probably my first lesson. For those English grammar types, the tense in the above sentence is intentional, not an error (some pointed humor from the universe). Nobody READS stories in the 2020’s. People mostly WATCH a video, or LISTEN to a podcast, or scroll thru 10 second multimedia clips. No Powerpoint presentations. So my mind pondered what format I should communicate this story with. After some meditation and listening, it was apparent that it should be a written (typed) story that developed over a period of time. It was to have a forward mention of stated purpose and disclaimers. It should be a blog type post that is added to daily with guided ?? (I don’t know the word to convery the intent). It should be on this website. It may or may not have some pictures/videos interspersed, perhaps as chapter headings.

Another important aspect of this adventure…, no…, assignment is to type what is presented in the moment. Not to try and arrange in chronological order the aspects of the story. But to use flashbacks and side stories, doesn’t feel foreshadowing (if those are actual literary terms?).

It feels to start here….

Sacred Space

March 11, 2024

First test of alignment and surrender. The scene and the title came quickly. It feels like a picture will present soon to be inserted as part of the chapter title. It feels that it can and should be added after the typing of some of this section. Well,, that is the second awareness.

The first awareness that presented was the test of surrender about production dates (production was the word). Early on, there seemed to be a need to date portions of this communication. Since this will be an ongoing development, individuals will read what is written to a certain date. When new material is added, the individuals would need a way to resume the story instead of starting from the beginning. My mind searched for a logical solution. It seemed that I could add a section in the beginning of this script that would list sections and dates. However, what seems to be preferred is to put a date on each section/chapter. I am not sure how that actually works in practice, but I will go back and put a date on the previous sections. One moment please.

Returning….It feels that perhaps this will be a cue that the discussion is returning from a side story or activity. It reminds me of the amateur radio phrase used in the United Kingdom, when an individual identifies themselves when returning to the conversation.

Sacred Space…. That was/is the title given to this section. It was/is the first pivotal point in this story and it feels like it is/was a major theme to be expressed. And now my mind is confused. There seems to be three points in the story concerning sacred space. Which one is to be shared first. I need to ponder direction. One moment please.

Returning to sacred space….if as a human I knew how to physically read and comprehend 3 different threads at the same time, then I would know how to present this topic. This seems very convoluted to my mind, but I will try to weave all three sacred space scenes together.

Since the story is starting, I should indicate that the names have been changed, from something to something different, for some reason.

It was a somewhat unnerving moment. An unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar overture with an unfamiliar agent. It was a moment that called forth the faith required to navigate not only this specific moment, but to redefine his existence. A request that is so simple, so elegant, so divine, and so scary. A fear constructed from many “making small” events in the current lifetime. A fear constructed from ancient lineage. A fear constructed from human collective paradigms.

But there was a soulful remembrance. Of a soulful mission. To help humanity. By providing templates. That would make available to others. Clear, safe and known paths that they could use on the journey. Paths, where there previously seemed to be none. Not just hope and faith, but paths.

And so the conversation started, with a few deep beaths. He approached her, knowing that the sacred space was the portal. It would set the space so the universe could provide what was needed. It would also be the gate. Without the sacred space, the universe would acknowledge that this meeting was not aligned with the highest intent.

That “gate” function was the answer to a pondering a week before. There was an urging to delve into this unfamiliar world. There were many “bad and wrong” fears that pushed back. Deeply seated fears. There were many urgings that this is necessary and required and needed to be experienced. Much confusion and questioning. One morning, looking at the sun rising from the East, into a clear blue morning sky. The thought or insight or understanding or whatever it was, was there. The sacred space. There was peace. There was trepidations. But there was peace. This meeting would and should take place. And the first thing that would and should take place was the request to create a sacred space. That would be the gate. If there was an inability in either party to allow a sacred space to be created, then it was a sign that he should leave the meeting, immediately.

And this brought peace. That there was a way to be brave. And to know if the meeting was in alignment or not. And once the sacred space was created, then one could surrender into letting the universe unfold the necessary events. With the universe as an ally, the meeting could be arranged.

But with who should the meeting be arranged? There were several possible individuals whose descriptions seemed reasonable. An unfamiliar world. A world where inquiries are coded and guarded. Not a place to have conversation and discussion to get a cozy feel.

Again. A sacred space was the insight to that pondering. This would be a virtual or remote sacred space created by him, inviting the possible individuals into the space, inviting their higher selves, instead of their physical forms.

pause 3-12-2024

resume 3-12-2024

The energies of the day have shifted. Much head pressure and unfocused thoughts. It feels like a quick return to the story.

Without the details of these multiple sacred spaces, be it known that sacred spaces were created. Virtually with the higher selves of possible individuals that could host such a meeting. Once the individual to host was acknowledged, then another virtual sacred space was constructed to inform the meeting dynamics. This then returns us to the in person sacred space request.

A metal door makes a certain sound when it is pushed fully closed. A metal deadbolt makes a certain sound when it is fully engaged. These were not frightening sounds. And they were not calming sounds. But they provided an awareness. An awareness that the conversation required prompt attention, as the meeting would probably take a specific direction very soon. And the “gate” was the necessary first order of business. It is what allowed the bravery.

After a few polite words the request was made. He asked that two pillows be place on the floor so that they could sit in easy pose and take some centering breaths. A smile accompanied her attentive motions. A bit of relief to his concerns. At least there was a willingness to have dialog instead of script.

Each sitting on a pillow, in easy pose, facing each other, eyes closed, breathing. How long does the posture last? How do you know when to transition to discussion? Years of sitting, eyes closed, breathing, as part of a centering practice for yoga. The gentle reassuring answer is in the breath. Once there is a full unconscious inhale and exhale, notice is given to proceed.

Thoughts are sporadic. Need to stop for the evening 3-12-2024.

3-16-2024 another entry

It has been a few days. Lots of strong energetics the last few days. The urgency to convey this story has been tampered. It feels like this story will continue to be developed, but there seems to be another story that will start and run in tandem. Interesting. Who is supposed to do all this effort? And when? We will see what the universe unfolds.

returning to the story…immersed in the “gate”. From years of practice, the full inhale and exhale was the cue to gently open the eyes and observe her form. Her eyes were closed, her hands lightly upon her legs crossed in easy pose. Gentle motion of her chest that described her inhale and exhale. The subdued lighting allowed her form to portray both gentleness and intrigue in the obscuring shadows. His breath was calm as he waited for her eyes to open. Perhaps he was aware that there was a gentle smile that was flowing from his heart space.

Which happened first? Her eyes opening or her smile. He was relieved that at least she was providing space for the dialog. And so he spoke. The words seemed slow and measured as the universe formulated the essence into the most appropriate words. Words not of the mind, but feelings and desires of the heart. He allowed the translation to proceed with the minimum mental involvement that was required.

He shared the vision to explore Tantra Yoga. Not to say that the physical act of intimacy is not part of tantra yoga, but one aspect of tantra yoga. And a very valuable and effective and informed aspect. But not the only aspect. There was a soul desire to explore the weaving of the spiritual with the sexual and the sexual with the spiritual. The current point on that path felt like there was a need for some specific experiences. And there was an awareness that although the specific experiences were the urging, what was to be revealed would be layered in the process and the moments of insight provided by engaging in those guided experiences.

The urging that allowed this current trusting, involved Yab Yum and inverted breathing. A posture and a procedure to facilitate energetic flow in and between people. She acknowledged that she was not familiar with the specific posture nor the specific breathing technique. And she quickly indicated that she would be interested in exploring and supporting the desires of his soul.

That moment. The fear of rejection. The fear of condemnation. The fear of “just the script”. The questioning of his soul’s desires and urgings. The isolation. It melted. Someone could and would be a partner on his journey. That moment. There was a pause. There was a stillness. The awarenesses and the insights in that moment were strong and deep and emotional. He had not expected that the universe would provide such a visceral insight so soon in this experience. His heart heaved. He was not alone on a forsaken planet. Not everyone hated him for being a male form. His soul urgings were not delusional. So much. In the stillness of a moment. And in that same moment, gratitude. Gratitude to the universe for lifting the heaviness. Gratitude for the validation. Gratitude for the guidance and insights that allowed this moment. Gratitude to feel gratitude.

In this moment, in this stillness, he was also aware that this gift he experienced, did not ensure that this meeting would or should go any further. The “gate” still needed to be attended to. A sacred space would need to be created to continue. If the sacred space could not be negotiated, then the guidance was that the meeting was to stop and he should leave immediately. That was the guidance many days before. It was what allowed him to be brave and arrange this meeting. Her interest in exploring tantra yoga did not guarantee that she would be open to creating a sacred space for this meeting to continue. It is a heartfelt technique. It is brief. It is gentle. It is honoring. And for all the good things it is, it is so unfamiliar and threatening to the everyday method of communicating. So threatening that many people get triggered. They shut down and condemn. No guarantees.

Will the sacred space be created …. when we return (a short break 3-16-2024)

(returning 3-17-2024) creating the sacred space

A long breath to center. And to allow the universe to properly present the topic. He looked at her eyes as the words formed. Somewhere between the words and the gaze, the intent to create a sacred space with her was conveyed. The words were slow and measured. Her response was silent intrigue. Another deep breath. His intention would be to experience Yab Yum with inverted breathing. Fully clothed. At least at first. So the focus would be on the energetic connection. Eventually it could and should progress to less clothing and possibly to skin-on-skin contact. But that was not necessary for today’s sacred space.

He asked her for her intention that would form this sacred space. Perhaps being unfamiliar with this technique, she expressed her desire to fulfill his intention. He expected her to ponder and express a desire she wanted to experience in this sacred space. At least that has been his experience with creating sacred spaces. But. Perhaps her intention was to fulfill his desire. That was a totally new awareness. That a woman would be willing to give and to allow, at and for the pleasure of a man. This definitely was a world very unfamiliar.

The intention was set by both people. Next would be the removing of thoughts, energies, emotions that were swirling in the mind and heart. He took a deep breath and waited for the proper words to form. He would like to remove self-judgement. He would like to remove judgements from her. He would like to remove perceived judgements from society. He looked at her. He asked her what things she would like to remove from their sacred space.

Her response was quick. She was comfortable and did not have anything to remove from their sacred space.

He nodded to acknowledge her response. He took another deep breath and waited, then spoke. He would like to invite in the energies of support from the universe and trusting that the universe would provide. Although his words were few, his heart felt an expansion. He did not have to go this journey alone and unsure. He encouraged her to ponder what energies she would like to invite into their sacred space.

Again, her response was quick. Her experiences allowed her to be comfortable and confident in this space.

He was feeling more confident. He put his hands in prayer pose. And nodded to acknowledge her. Although a simple gesture, he has experienced many reactions. Some find the gesture makes a heart-felt connection. And they smile. Others have expressed confusion and even ridicule. A form of foreign and hostile religious symbolism.

Her simple smile. Another breath. His boundary was that they stay in their sacred space that they were creating. He did not fully understand why the universe gave him that phrase. But he trusted it. Usually, a boundary came is as a physical boundary, or an emotional boundary or a mental boundary. He acknowledged that it was unusual, and he also acknowledged that it was easy for him to gently accept.

She shared that she was comfortable in her environment. It was easy for her to trust that she could handle things.

Her took two long breaths. This one was unnerving, but yet that is why it is so powerful. Listing your fears.

How to word these fears. Waiting for guidance. The guidance was simple. Say the words that make the fear so real.

His first fear. It is even hard to type. Fear of STI’s. Used to be called STD’s. The misinformation. The judgement. The religious condemnation. It was all there. In the fear. A very large fear.

The breath after stating the fear. Holding the breath. Waiting for attack, ridicule. The breath can only be held so long. No attacks come. A breath needs to be taken. It is a freeing breath. Something so hideous was spoken. It was out. It was allowed to flow from the body. The breath that comes in expands into the space where the fear was released as it was spoken. A lightness. A self-forgiveness. A forgiveness from the universe. Gratitude. Gratitude that such an expected healing was allowed. It feels like the universe smiles.

There are more fears. More breaths. Pondering. Not, if to share the fear. But, to speak the fullest fear. So that it could be released. Waiting for the words to be typed. His fear of pregnancy. Un-intentional pregnancy. Not that pregnancy is bad. But the obligations to raise another child. Holding the breath. 5 seconds. 10 seconds. 20 seconds. No attack. A breath. Then a deep breath. And the release of contraction and an expansion. How uttering just a few words could make such a soul expanding feeling.

Her looked up at her. There was just a gentle smile.

The intention. Removing unwanted energies. Inviting supporting energies. Boundaries. And fears. That would typically be sufficient to create the sacred space. But there seemed to be an urging to mention a secondary intention. The urging was persistent enough that he allowed it to be mentioned.

The meeting space had a hot tub.

(need to take a short break 3-18-2024)

(returning 3-20-2024)

The hot tub was located in a corner of the room. Timer on the wall next to the hot tub. Separate overhead lighting, with controls on the same wall as the timer. Faucet located on the hot tub. Above ground, as opposed to walk in. Red.

He was not specially nor specifically trained to observe details of his surroundings. There are persons that have that innate talent. And they are researched, recruited and trained. They are a highly guarded asset. He was not one of them. But he has come to acknowledge the gift of first impression. The first second, maybe the first two seconds. Situations like this. Three seconds. What beacons the attention. To ponder the signals provided by the universe. For that situation.

There was the delayed greeting. There was the sound of the door. There was the pillows. There was the hot tub. There was the physical form. The hot tub awareness had been swirling since he first arrived. It was a trigger from the universe. It was an offer from the universe. The swirling was about how does it weave into the intention. And would he be brave to align with the universe musings.

He had a lifetime “urge” to share energetic connection with feminine energy in a hot tub setting. Perhaps lit candles gently fluttering in the breeze. Perhaps some refreshing drinks to sip (although his choice would be a milkshake, vanilla). Stars on the dark sky. Moon following the ecliptic. The urge wasn’t sexual. Well, yes a bit. But that part was really more intriguing. The interface between the physical body and the energetic body(s). That was the deeper urging. To hold a female form next to his male form. Supported by the warm waters. To trace and follow the feminine energies as they interacted with the masculine energies. In the space between the physical and the energetic. To experience an energetic connection using a physical form. He didn’t have a specific activity or experience that was required. Whatever the universe needed him to experience. It was by just allowing that joining/weaving in the hot tub, that the universe would provide what the soul desired.

The hot tub provided the trigger of that deep soul urging of decades. The hot tub provided the opportunity that eluded him for decades. Creating the sacred space allowed a path to honor this trigger and offer. In the sacred space, he explained that the hot tub has been a lifelong soul urging. Unexpectedly it presented at this meeting. He tried to convey the soul urging of the female and male physical connection. But more importantly, the feminine and masculine energetics. It was more important to make an energetic connection, then to have a specific sexual interaction. The heart-felt, the soul-felt, intentions gently formed. He was amazed how easily the universe conveyed his soul intention to her. He finished this secondary intention, indicating he would understand if she deferred.

Her response was unexpected. The kind of response that makes you turn your head, like a dog, when the dog is puzzled. Her response was that she did not want to be cold, in water. Unusual since this is water, but hot water. What could be underneath that kind of statement. Probably much, he assessed. His inquiry and her explanation would make for another story. A story best told separately. For this story, be it known that she stated, since this was on his list, they should utilize the hot tub as part of the sacred space.

But how? It is out of the realm of the mind. The insight, the awareness, the flow, the sequence, the scene appeared. Another moment when time seemed to be paused. It seemed so perfectly orchestrated. How the events in this sacred space would flow. Yes, flow is the proper word. For that is what the feeling was as he witnessed the scene. As witnessing a dream.

And so the sacred space was created. And he could trust to let things unfold as they would. To not try to use the mind to make decisions. To be the boat in the river. Allowing, the individual experiences as they unfold and trusting that the journey would be aligned to a higher purpose. The gift of the sacred space.

That the sacred space could be created, was the gate. The physical and energetic forms were in alignment. The intentions, and supporting elements, put into the sacred space is the portal. It allows access to a state above time and space. No more thinking, it will be about staying aligned to let the universe provide. Blessings.

(need to take a short break 3-20-2024)

(returning 3-21-2024)

Yab Yum

It is a bit magical to experience the flow of the universe. Just allowing. Witnessing. Things present and effortlessly align. It was not that they both had the same thought at the same time. It was more that they both knew the direction, but each person knew their specific pieces of that journey. That they could share, once the other person invoked their piece. Moment by moment.

His first thought was to start with Yab Yum seated on the pillow on the floor. Fully clothed. Allowing inverted breathing as the energies aligned. As she understood his intention, she suggested that they start filling the hot tub first. That way the water would run while they were engaged with Yab Yum. Interesting how the pieces aligned. Interesting how the sound of the running water provided enchanting background melody. Interesting how the rising level of the water in the hot tub would soon initiate transition to the next moment.

The water was flowing from the faucet into the tub. Not the same as the waves lapping the shore. Not the same as the babbling stream. But a distinct and appropriate melody for the moment. The hot tub overhead lights were on. Shining down onto the undulating pool of water. Providing gentle illumination into the darkened room. The pillows were on the floor within two arm reaches of the hot tub.

He sat on his pillow. Fully clothed. Comfortable. Breathing. She sat on her pillow. Facing him. Their knees touching. She could be considered to be fully clothed. In that 80% of her body had cloth touching it. However, the cloth was more elegant, and delicate than his clothing. Definitely more fabric than most fashionable swimsuits which would be worn (modelled) in public. So, we will consider her to be fully clothed. As was the intention.

Yab Yum is not a complicated yoga pose. There are many more difficult poses to master. It is just a form of the simple easy pose. Also called a half lotus. The challenge is in that it involves someone else. And that someone else is in your personal space. And there is the gravity thing. Weight. Not that gravity or the resultant weight is a problem. The issue is that it causes people think that they are too heavy. Or they think that someone will feel too heavy. So, it is not just the technical aspect of the yoga pose, or the personal space aspect, or the “too heavy” mind play. For those that have sat in Yab Yum, or have been invited to sit in Yab Yum, there is a much deeper soul-felt reverence that presents.

Some like to explain the background of a yoga pose. Give examples. Lots of talk. From the mind. Perhaps inflating their ego, for some. Tantra yoga is an experiential path. It is a path of experiencing, not of thinking. The best way to learn a new pose is to experience it. Or really to have your body make the pose your own. To allow your body to find how to embody the essence of the pose in this moment. Which will be different in the next moment. Not right. Not wrong. Just what is needed in this moment.

She had stated as part of their intention, that she did not know much about Tantra yoga, but she would be interested in exploring. His feeling was that she did not know the Yab Yum yoga position. At least by that name. How would he explain the position to her. A gentle reminder from the universe, do not think. So while sitting in easy pose on his pillow on the floor (while the water poured into the hot tub), he held out his hands along his legs. A gesture inviting her into his lap. No words needed to be spoken. As if the universe lifted her in her seated pose, and gently placed her in his lap. Her legs effortlessly wrapped around his waist. Feet relaxed against his lower back. The need for a subtle adjustment of her form would usually have required consent to touch her gluteus maximus. Do not think. His hands gently touched the delicate fabric. Her body lifted slightly. Then slid forward until against his body. And a right/left wiggle as her body settled into the seat he provided to her. A symphony of guided movement. To be the witness. It is easy to be in awe. It is easy to be in gratitude.

Wonder and amazement. To be in the flow. To trust the sacred space. He felt that he needed a few deep centering breaths. He was reminded. Do not think. Do not think how to make that happen. Whether words were spoken or whether it was conveyed through their gaze, they both began slow breathing. While gazing into each other’s eyes. At least for him, it felt like he was gazing through her eyes, to a universe beyond.

(need to take a short break, 3-21-2024)

(returning, 3-22-2024)

Where does time go in the stillness? Was it a minute? Or two? More? The next thing he was aware of was the sound of running water. He glanced at the hot tub to his left. The hot tub was filling, but it seemed like it would still be a long time before it was full. He knew, before he glanced how full the hot tub would be. It would be the proper amount that it needed to be. The glance was really more of a signal to initiate the inverted breathing. Which he also knew would commence when he glanced at the water.

How do you explain to someone what inverted breathing is? If there were words spoken, he was not aware of what they were. He was aware that her lips met his lips. Both slightly parted. He exhaled gently through his slightly parted lips as they were pressed against hers. In that moment, she understood. She gently inhaled through her slightly parted lips that were pressed against his. Receiving his breath.

He gently inhaled. Sucking the air out of her lungs through her slightly parted lips. She sensed the rhythm and then gently inhaled through her slightly parted lips. Sucking the air out of his lungs through his slightly parted lips. This breathing soon took on a pace and a depth of a subtle consciousness. There were no mental thoughts. The awareness was a witnessing of the sensations provided by the receiving and giving of a common breath.

There was a gentle thought. The nose. Keep the lips sealed. Let the air flow in and out of the nose as needed. Biologically, to keep the carbon dioxide/oxygen levels in adequate ratio. Physiologically, to accommodate slight variations in breathing pace and depth. The breath through the nose began to provide a deeper level of insight into the dynamics of two souls communicating. Beyond two physical forms in contact, one male and one female. Beyond the lips touching, without the connotation of kissing. Beyond the need of intentional breathing, a common breath. The soul dialog begins to inform the physical forms.

It was not his mental thought. He was sure it wasn’t. Whatever state he was in, there was no perception of the physical environement. So, when his eyes suddenly opened and gazed at the hot tub, he knew the universe was providing for the sacred space. The water was still flowing into the hot tub from the faucet. He could clearly see that the water level was within an inch, perhaps less, from the top, about to overflow. How long had they been doing inverted breathing. His mind started to estimate based on how long it took to fill at his first glance. But. Do not think. He felt that urging. It was not about how many minutes they were in inverted breathing. The universe provided the proper experience. The universe was now signaling that it was time to transition to the next experience within this sacred space.

As they both looked at the hot tub, they both were allowed a mental moment. Definitely a fear-based moment. Neither could comprehend why such a moment was allowed, based on what they were just experiencing. But both knew that the faucet needed to be turned off immediately, otherwise an overflowing hot tub would lead to unpleasant consequences in the physical world. Their next awareness was that she was turning the faucet off. And opening the drain to lower the water level to accommodate the soon volumetric displacement of two physical forms. They gazed at each other. Both appreciating what the universe was providing in their sacred space. Surreal has the connotation of “other-worldly”. Where they were, it was a state above “worlds”.

(need to take a break, 3-22-2024)

(returning 3-24-2023)

Hot Tub

Where do all the details go? They must exist, somewhere. Or. Not? Can a jump from one timeline to another put someone in a situation that has no physical story to support it? There does not seem to be much of any details to recount. The hot tub faucet was being turned off. At the same moment, the hot tub water level was drained a few inches. He was aware that he should remove his clothing before entering the hot tub. He was aware that she excused herself to the bathroom.

Then he was sitting in the bottom of the hot tub, in easy pose. No physical clothing, but not a feeling of being naked. She was slowly lowering herself onto his lap. Her body without physical clothing, but not naked. As if the Yab Yum posture they were just in on the floor, had reconvened in the hot tub, without physical clothes.

And as if on cue, they resumed inverted breathing. No words spoken. Oh, but wait. There was one detail. It was not the sounds of the hot tub jets, that somehow were now on. There was a whistling sound. It emanated from one of the suction ports on the inside of the hot tub. To create the air bubbles from the water jets, air needs to be injected into the water flow. That air is supplied by suction ports just above the waterline. One of the suction ports, did not have a louver. The air being sucked into that port was creating a whistling sound. Why was it such an awareness. An awareness unknown in that moment and still unknown in this moment. The guided response in that moment was to stuff the end of a towel into the suction port. No more whistling.

Inverted breathing in Yab Yum in the hot tub. The expansive energies continue. The physical forms maneuver under the supervision of the souls. Gentle rocking. Slow sweeping arm motions. Occasional tremors briefly dispersing from the core. Perhaps the lack of detail is due to the lack of revelence of detail, while in that state.

Female Physical Form

He was not aware when it was that her lips physically separated from his. He was not aware when it was or how it was that her physical form uncoupled from his. His next awareness was the gentle onset of her physical form against him. His form was slowly being made to lean backward, under a gentle pressure from her body. He felt his shoulders touch the wall of the hot tub. But her gentle pressure against his body continued. He felt her physical form press against his chest and his legs. As his arms slowly floated to the surface, they gently grazed her arms. He felt the back of her head rest upon his shoulder. Her back provided a gentle pressure against his chest. Her glut’s settled into his lap. Her legs laid next to his.

How does one convey his feeling? It was not a situation that he had a “vision” of when the sacred space was created. Up until now, he had a subtle knowing of each of the situations that had developed. Not every detail. But as they unfolded, he was not surprised. This situation was unexpected. He has been in the “unexpected” flow before. He understood that he should not think. The universe was providing what was required for the sacred space. Trust that all was OK. Allow. Witness.

The feeling seemed of receiving. To be passive. To surrender. To accept what was going to be offered, given. The universe was going to give, He was to receive. This was not a familiar feeling for him. He was used to giving. Receiving was difficult. The universe understood that he was currently in a space that they could assist with this issue. And include assistance with some additional issues that needed to be addressed.

He did not resist when her hand reached down and grasped his hand, softly but with intent. She gently placed his hand on her abdomen. And firmly place her hand on top of his, so that her abdomen quivered. And she kept his hand pressed against her abdomen so he could feel her body quiver under his touch.

What was his awarenesses. To experience recieving. Gratitude. To experience the invitation by the feminine aspect to explore the female physical form. The sure and steady invitation addressed his lifetime(s) fear of being unworthy and hated by the female culture. Gratitude. The physical touch of the physical female form addressed his lifetime longing for connection, understanding and honoring. Gratitude.

As these emotions settled, he felt her hand slowly guide his hand along her abdomen. As his hand glided lower on her abdomen, he could sense more subtle tremors emanating from her core. With each tremor, she would pause so he could come to appreciate her physical form and the energetic flow that his touch was summoning. Each moment. Allowing. Witnessing. Gratitude. The lifetime(s) of longing for this.

Amazement as she guided his hand lower on the abdomen and along a “mound”. Pausing often so he could “listen” to her tremors. His fingers sensed vulva. Yoni in tantra. Gently guided by her hand. Taking each of his fingers and placing them in a specific pattern against her Yoni. He had wished for lifetimes to have guided “hands-on” honoring of the female physical form. The sacred space was providing under universal guidance.

His fingers were being pressed against her body in a specific pattern and a specific rhythm. Some of his fingers were being pressed against an area of her Yoni that was harder than the what the other fingers were being pressed against. Some fingers were rubbing faster, some were rubbering slower but with more pressure. There were no pauses as before. It seemed that she was using his fingers under an instinctual urging. The focus was in the Yoni, but he was aware that her head was having some motion. And there were sounds emanating from her body, although they did not seem to be solely coming from her lips.

(time for a short break, 3-24-2024)

(returning, 3-25-2024)

Allowing

This was not an “expected” situation. He trusted in the sacred space to provide what he needed. And he needed to “receive” this experience, just as it was provided. He felt gratitude for this “gift” bestowed by the universe. He was deep in that gratitude. It was a good feeling. He was deep in experiencing how receiving was informing his bodies. That was a new feeling. And that was also a good feeling. So many amazing things he experienced. He was lingering in the moment, waiting for the familiar slow return to the physical world.

But the familiar physical world did not return. He wondered why he was not slowly becoming more aware of his physical form, aware of the walls, the sounds in the room. They were not returning. But he was becoming aware of her body. It was floating, shifting, moving. Nothing that he was controlling or initiating. He was guided to open his eyes. Or perhaps, his eyes had been open, but he was guided now to interpret the physical forms. Either way, it was another “unexpected” situation. The universe had not hinted at this. He knew what was required. Trust. Allow. Witness. He kept those words looping in his mind.

She, or more probably, the universe had floated her body in the water, and rolled her over (like a log roll in synchronized swimming). Her female physical form now faced him. He could see the image of her face (without detail), as it slowly retreated, down along his body. The image of her face transitioned to the sensation of her lips gently kissing his chest. A very unfamiliar sensation. He was focused on allowing this new experience. Then he felt those gentle kisses make a trail down his chest and across his abdomen. Very unfamiliar sensations. Trust. Allow. Witness. He used it as his Mantra.

His focus was on the sensations. And on the Mantra. He was focused. He was surprised when the guidance came to focus on her female physical form. She had kissed her way down his body. Her eyes were focused on his eyes. An inviting smile formed on her gentle face. Lips slightly open. Her gaze expressed her intention. He was surprised when the silence was broken by words coming from his mouth. Although he was not aware that he was speaking. But the words were heard by both. The exact words that he spoke, were an extremely accurate description of several of his deep fears. These fears of his needed to be acknowledged, but the fear of those fears would not have let him speak them. So they were spoken for him. “I am not sure if it will respond”, might have been the words he spoke. But he knew the fears. The many fears, and frustrations, and disappoints, and judgments. With those spoken words, all of his unforgivable emotions were exposed. The fear of knowing others now know how pathetic of a human he is.

It seemed like time stopped as all his fears, and fears of fears, and fears of fears being exposed. Where does the love of God go (I do not know why that phrase was sequestered). In the middle of that stopped time, he became aware that she was gazing at him. Her hands were on his thighs. Her gentle caring smile slightly above his Lingham (manhood). He heard words being spoken. “I get off doing this”.

If time was already standing still, then time must now have vanished. Being forced to acknowledge all these degrading perspectives of himself. His internal turmoil. Her offer. Or her request. In that moment, all that internal turmoil dissipated. Perhaps not completely disappeared or removed, but the strong emotional connection to a biological occurrence was no longer significant. Was he afforded forgiveness? Decoupling the emotion from the event.

As this “forgiveness” was processing, in the same moment. Although since time vanished, in the same state. In this same moment or state, he was aware of “allowing”. He had felt with the previous experience with her female physical form, that this sacred space would be complete. He had experienced “receiving”, and it was magical. He was not now of strong desire for sexual interaction. But her statement changed the game. It was not something that he wanted her to do for him. It was something that she wanted for herself. She wanted to “take” something from him, for her pleasure. She wanted to know if he would “allow” her. When framed in this totally new perspective, it was with joy that he smiled at her.

(need to stop for a bit, 3-25-2024)

(returning 3-26-2024)

There could be explicit descriptions of what occurred next. Or there could be inuendo of what occurred next. There was the pleasurable sensation of her mouth on his Lingham. And scrotum. There was the enjoyable view of her “taking” him. And the intensity of her pleasure in doing that. There was the relaxation in the moment, no need for him to perform. He was just allowing her to fulfill her desires using his male physical form. There was the longing to be wanted, to be desired. Lifetimes isolated and unworthy. Shunned. Condemned. And now, someone, she, wanted him. Wanted his male physical form.

There was his erection. Not a mammoth member. It never was. But there was a full 5 inches, where sometimes there would only be a limp friend. As frustrated and disappointed at times that he was with the lack of erection, he always considered his Lingham as his friend, wanting only the best for his friend. Was it the effect of age, or prostate issues, or prescription medications, or fears or repressed issues. Today the universe provided for erection, and he was glad he could share in this joyous moment with his Lingham.

There were many aspects that he was aware of, in this moment. She knew what would give her pleasure and she knew how to embody that pleasure. The motion of her head and hands. The clamping and suction from her mouth. It was not something that he had much exposure to during this lifetime. It was an intense release. And that seemed to trigger the pleasure she was yearning.

That was the last piece of physical awareness. His eyes lids closed. His head tipped back, supported by the warm water. His eyes rolled back. His breath began a strong rapid and forceful cadence. It was not under his control. He was just aware of it, perhaps because it was unusual, driven. But the breath cadence entranced him. For one minute, two minutes, perhaps three minutes. There was just the breath.

But on a different level, in the same moment, he was aware of something subtle. It was her. Not her physical form. Although her physical form might have been in contact with his. But it was her energetic form. She was holding him in their sacred space. No words. No contact. No judgement. No needs. In her stillness, supporting him and his experience. In the biblical, as Mary could hold the space for Jesus to access the divine realms.

His eyes were slowly opened, not by him. She was sitting in the bottom of the hot tub, near his feet. In silence and stillness. Focused on his form. And a smile began to lighten her form. It started as a subtle feeling near his heart. It slowly spread out from there, to his throat and solar plexus. It was a feeling of peace. It was not a feeling he was used to, not in this physical form, this lifetime. But he knew it was a divine feeling. His soul finally felt peace. And validation. He had sensed all this life that this type of experience was essential for what and why he came here. His sense was true. Despite all the doubts, walls, blocks, discouragements, ridicule. He knew he was supposed to have this type of experience. He could more deeply trust himself. He was true to himself. And there was peace for his soul.

Tattoos

They both helped each other out from the hot tub, no hands or words, just with their two hearts. She silently excused herself to the bathroom, to dry and to dress. He stood silently next to the hot tub, drying and dressing. She returned. Her outfit called attention, not to her female physical form, but to the tattoos dispersed upon her skin. He was aware of tattoos, from his work with youth. Every tattoo has a story. A story that needs to be told. He was guided to listen, with his heart.

The tattoos on the forearms, family members. Tattoos on the back of the arm, outlook on life. Tattoo on the abdomen, life experience. Tattoo on the scalp, dear friend. More tattoos, more stories. The tattoo on her right thigh, a poem. Which she recited, as he followed each word on her skin.

He listened to all the stories, with his heart. Difficulties. And hopefulness. He was not surprised what his body did next. He could feel it filtering down through the realms of heaven. His arms opened to invite her into a hug. A hug from the universe. A hug that embraced, and supported and thanked. From the realms of heaven. As she accepted this embrace, her soul was lifted and honored by all the realms.

And with this embrace, they closed their sacred space.